Flammable Sunshine

I feel as if I'm just wasting time until my life gets better. My dreams are all stymied, put on hold due to current circumstances. I occupy my days with meaningless activity, waiting for the phone to ring, checking my email every few minutes. I can't sleep, because I worry that I might miss an opportunity while I dream.

I'm waiting for something to change. Instead, everything drifts slowly back to the barely tolerable situation I had a year ago.

I really want to be having face-to-face social contact, interaction with another adult, preferably with like interests. My friends are busy with school, relationships, or work, and have no time to spend with me. Instead, I send emails to strangers and receive few responses. I have given my number to a dozen people and am still waiting for my phone to ring. Is it broken? Nope, just checked, still have four bars.

I want to walk in my garden. I want to prepare the soil for planting. I must wait, for the recent snow and rain flooded my property, and my garden is still underwater.

I want to build myself a yurt, a place to myself, where I can have silence and privacy. I must wait, for I don't have a vehicle to bring the materials home with, and my friends are all busy.

So I sit, burning daylight, killing time, waiting for change.